as i was washing dishes today i began to think about my life. i do believe i am not at the halfway goal of my timeline. having said that, let me clarify my thought process. i plan to be alive and vital until at least 95. that's minimum, mind you, but these are aware zestful, lively years so i am being conservative. i am 42 so in my estimation i am almost but not quite halfway there. 'very cheeky of her', is that what you're thinking? well you are right. i'm cheeky. i get to be. i am in the 'but she should have died' club. more on that later.
so i was thinking at the almost halfway mark i really should have some wisdom. what wisdom do i have? i wondered. then i recalled this article i read about phrases that should be phased out of our vernacular and this is what i came into my head.

"it just happened." now i am not saying this because i am a bitter divorcee, or because i am a struggling single parent (i am neither struggling nor bitter but i am divorced and parenting) but i was thinking about this article and wisdom one might have after almost half their life. it has been said to me (i assume although i can't recall an exact instance) and i have said it (again, i can't recall an example)
ok, NOTHING. NOTHING i can possibly think of no matter how hard i try 'just happens'. especially with consenting adults. please...self, please...friends dignify your life enough to never utter these words again. things do not JUST happen. relationships, stolen kisses, intimacies don't. they are chosen. what if we instead we said:
it became.
it evolved.
it began.
it evolved.
it grew.
i chose.
now take a senerio (like i did plate in hand, by my sink where i have come to the conclusion i might just do my best thinking of thinks):
woman finds out man had affair.
woman says something to the effect of  'how could you? how would you? she is my best friend/neighbor/sister/co-worker/dog walker!"
man says, 'i don't know, i love you...IT JUST HAPPENED. i can't explain it."

now let's revise with shannon's perfect dish version.
woman: 'HOW could YOU! '
man: 'i don't know, it began.'

already (and here i am a dishwasher and not even the woman) i feel better. YES. clearly it did, now, now we are getting somewhere.

so that's one on the list of wisdom at the halfway point and things that should no longer be said.

here is another nugget of dawn dishwashing wisdom from a nobody...
what i do everyday (when i am not doing dishes...) is a medical assistant. i work with one doctor, i travel office to office with her....i am hers, she is mine (that was tongue in cheek....we did not so much as exchange holiday cards) but i respect her. like her as a person.
so here is my wisdom.... some people are totally invested in being a broken person.



i am going to give that a pause so you can think of that for what it is... a rather bold statement.
are you invested in being so broken that it gift away from your life?
a pass?
or are you truly broken. tonight i write this and honestly don't judge you. i ask, instead. funny i write this (universal matches) after 'office hours' today...my doctor went home and another surgical doctor was next to me dictating (not very common, most doctors are not very social) the funny thing about being a bottom feeder on the medical food chain (you have to keep things light if you are going to be in the medical profession) is that doctors are all very drained by us all. they don't usually interact with us....the community that frankly is the foundation. anyway, we were talking laughing and ughhhhh. lettttting it gooooo... there are so many people with so many broken parts. it is almost impossible. truly. so i was reading thru my...what do they call it that i love so much, that phrase....social. whatever. anyway.....so there is this person who has to hold onto illness so that she can continue to exist. the funny thing is, i get it.
i do.
i hear stories.
the beauty of the stories i hear honestly reminds me, how amazing it is.
and then there are the blurs.
just so caught up in being sick it becomes their idenitity.
i have damage.
but i never want to be so damaged it becomes who i am.